Holding Hands

If you ask me what I miss the most about having a partner, the answer is holding hands. I think it is the most sincere and intimate thing in a relationship.

Holding hands involves the act of one reaching out their hand to someone... this says I want you, I trust you and that I am sharing a part of myself with you. On the other side, one hand is reaching in, welcoming you with the same sincerity. It says I'm here for you, I'm putting my efforts into being with you, and I want you to be too. The peak is the moment when you hold hands. You chose to stay there and keep on holding his/her hand. It says commitment. It is an act of opening up yourself to hurt, and yet you choose to stay there and keep holding on. It is an act of providing comfort. It's an act of love in its highest form.

If you ask me, what I miss the most about you... It is the simple moment when I hold your hand, and you hold mine too.

Life hasn't been easy. It has shaken my core and left me breathless up to the point that I always say to myself that I am ready anytime life has to take me as well. It left me with scars and trust issues, feeling like I was left alone in this world and no one was ever there by my side. I've been numb for years, cos feeling anything is proven to be too painful. I've built walls to protect me, filling my days with things that leave me content and then another day passes.

Sometimes, I miss feeling something. So I read fan fiction and Mandarin shows that make my heart ache and twitch so hard that I cry. This is better than the ache of missing my Mom and Dad that will instantly bring tears to my eyes, and pain in my heart. A reminder that I have lost my safety net in life. A reminder that I am completely alone.

If you ask me what I miss the most... It is you. It is you holding my hand and staying there while I find my peace. Even if it is only for a little while.